“Americans Seeing Health Care Package More Negatively as Deadline Nears” (Robert Moyer)
January 11th, 2010
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late night rest home mom’s pain medication two hours late..
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Headlines:
“Americans Seeing Health Care Package More Negatively as Deadline Nears” (Politics Daily)
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Poem by Robert Moyer (see poet biographies). Read more by this poet.
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January 11th, 2010 at 6:29 am
I like this haiku, but for me the first line is “too busy” because it introduces too much, two concepts, “late night” and “rest home”. I would prefer the haiku without “late night” using simply “rest home” as the first line. Furthermore, I do not like the repetition of “late”. The irony of “rest” home then plays well against “pain medication”.
Jim
January 13th, 2010 at 1:18 am
James – I agree with your edit actually, and cannot believe that I didn’t suggest that edit (particularly because I am a total stickler for repetition – unless it is being done for effect, avoid at all costs). But this may be because the poem is so good that it overpowered the faults for me (if you get what I mean). I am wondering what Bob thinks of the idea of it starting with just “rest home” (cause I agree – I think it is a more powerful opening).
Anyway – sorry for rambling. Lovely editing James – very nice. Lovely poem Bob – very nice indeed.
February 6th, 2010 at 7:03 am
I’m still trying to resolve the immediacy of the pain exascerbated by no one responding to repeated calls late at night(a common problem I have learned). It’s more intense than pain medication being late during the day–which doesn’t happen as much. I’m still waiting for inspiration to shorten yet maintain that feeling. Any suggestions??